Funny Quotes · Page 130

I don't put pressure on myself. I just compete.

— Allen Iverson

Every city began as a campsite - pg. 25

— Chris Ware

We're quietly aching for something to celebrate

— Mark Nepo

Peace will come when people have food.

— Momofuku Ando

How to get rid of having anything to unlearn.

— Antisthenes

If the times aren't ripe, you have to ripen the times.

— Dorothy Height

Blondes also prefer gentlemen.

— Mamie Van Doren

I dont want to be easily defined.

— Theophilus London

There is always one annoying lady in your life who should use gluestick instead of lipstick!

— Santosh Roy

Instead of raising awareness for bullying, how about parents just stop raising assholes?

— Nikhil Saluja

A Chihuahua. They're good. If you lose one, just empty out your purse.

— Jean Carroll

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

— Lucille Ball

Excusing bad programming is a shooting offence, no matter what the circumstances.

— Linus Torvalds

In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist. I was always being suspended.

— Tom Guntorius

I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!'

— Ashton Kutcher

Education for livelihood alone will never make our life full and complete.

— Mata Amritanandamayi

A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I love you, You love me, We're a happy family, With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,…

— Courtney Barnes

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly saysyou were so cute! What happened? Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened.

— Anonymous

Im a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, which is apart of nature and nature…

— Anonymous

There are many that I will not post. I'm not trying to show a blatant death. I'm trying to show something funny…

— Rex Chapman

“How are you feeling?" I leaned away from him. "Gross." Aiden frowned. "Gross?" "I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

You have to be quite aware that if you are really looking for something funny it is probably not going to happen.

— Richard Herring

During the summer I could stay up so late without any problem, now that school's back I can barely stay up past 10.

— Anonymous

Starts out slow and then fizzles out altogether.

— Neil Young

I don't make the stereotypes, I just see them.

— Russell Peters

Calvinism is the gospel, and nothing else.

— Charles Spurgeon

I love Wes Anderson films, which are quirky and funny.

— Claudia Kim

I want to sing because I want to sing.

— Trisha Yearwood

No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

— Chelsea Handler

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

— Robin Williams

You can start your day over at any time.

— Patty Sheehan

Malcolm In The Middle... sounds like a sex position

— Sparki Dee

Love may be blind but marriage is a true eye opener!

— Anonymous

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

— Natasha Leggero

In the beginning was rhythm.

— Hans von Bulow

For sight is woman-like and shuns the old.

— Victor Hugo

It takes nipples to be a Boob.

— Nikhil Saluja

When the gospel is at stake, everything is at stake.

— R. C. Sproul

Food is one of the great organizing tools.

— Pete Seeger