At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My grandfather, mother and father were gifted verbally, and my mother passed that along to me. She always made sure I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
