If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Voting is a meaningless exercise. I'm not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I look at it this way... For centuries now, man has done everything he can to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a class clown, of the classic term for it. I would get the work done easily, and then I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
