“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I thought I ran over a politician’s dog, but when I discovered it was his wig, I was disappointed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“From a distance it looked like a dog, but it was just a smashed and beaten box. Still, I’m glad I swerved… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your dog looks dirty. You could give it a bath, or I could piss on it for free. Or you could pay… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Lost dog. Looks like a chicken. If found, do not attempt to feed it scrambled eggs for breakfast. You’ll offend it just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you a treat to get in your cage. I’m rewarding you for punishing you. Who am I? If you guessed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
