“Speed dating is great, because when that bell rings, I drool like Pavlov’s dog.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My date couldn’t make it to dinner, because at the last minute I backed down from asking her.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A date is a place, a destination. March 5th, 1982 is the ideal tourist trap.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve had 24 girlfriends in my life, and all of them occurred in the same two-day evening.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I've never had a one-night stand with anybody over the course of a whole weekend. I've also never had a one-night stand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An ideal first date should involve things like a candle-lit dinner, soft music, and a binary anal defibrillator, with a guest appearance… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, probably because I asked her out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. But what can I do? I’m an… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll only date a girl if she has a lot of class. And if she is 18, I don’t care if that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What if dating apps are mostly populated by Deep Fakes, designed to get you to waste your life swiping right and keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
