Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Oscar nominations came out today. Up for best actor, Sean Penn for 'Mystic River,' Jude Law for 'Cold Mountain,' and of course,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said "I believe in god." But of course The Donald was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Of course, Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a recent study, ten percent of 'Star Trek' fans meet the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived of their favourite show,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Huntington Beach, California, three police instructors lost their jobs after ordering two cadets who were caught smoking to eat cigarette sandwiches… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
