Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
