WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the Hell Happened to your bra and panties. — Nikhil Saluja Alcohol Copy Share Image
If your daily twitter mission isn't to get 10 or more unfollows we can't be friends. — Nikhil Saluja Friends Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
Are you okay? Always the same question. I'm fine. Always the same lie. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Each year in my sleep I swallow about 8 spiders and 120 slices of cake. — Nikhil Saluja Sleep Copy Share Image
Oh, you're an actor??? Why don't you act like a waiter and get me another beer. — Nikhil Saluja Actor Copy Share Image
She wanted to sign up as an organ donor, but all she had was a guitar. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was just about to get up and do something useful with my life but then I read a motivational tweet. — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
Oh, your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes? — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
She watch Titanic for the love story. I watch it for one scene with boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Boobs Copy Share Image
Keep her laughing. Keep her smiling. Make your woman glow so her friends notice. — Nikhil Saluja Friendship Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Protip: When going down on a girl, always remember that one slip of the tongue and you're in the shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I start conversations with Hey, I'm fine and I'm sure you're too to save time. — Nikhil Saluja Communication Copy Share Image
Failure doesnt mean youve wasted your life¦.. it does mean youve a reason to start afresh! — Nikhil Saluja Failure Copy Share Image
You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity. — Nikhil Saluja Dignity Copy Share Image
Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how… — Nikhil Saluja Book Copy Share Image
Leaving hairs on a toilet seat is like a little gift, from one ass to another. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions on the website. You understand nothing still you say I agree... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes living worthwhile; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If opportunity had a twitter account, it's not going to be knocking on anyone's door anytime soon. — Nikhil Saluja Opportunity Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been in love with the same woman for 10 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me! — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. — Nikhil Saluja Vegetarian Copy Share Image
I'm not starting over with someone new, I wanna work it out with who I'm in love with. — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
If someone doesn't like me, that's fine. It just means one less person I have to be nice to. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Beautician: the official occupation of the 'I wear too much make-up fat girl'. — Nikhil Saluja Career Copy Share Image
I feel the tears slowly rolling down my eyes and suddenly the tears wont stop. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate when I smile at my phone and raise my head and my girlfriend thinks I'm smiling at her. — Nikhil Saluja Smiling Copy Share Image
I'm like an onion, I have so many layers. Also people around me seem to cry a lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I make sure I keep my eyes open during the shower, the guy with a chainsaw behind the shower curtain won't… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It is really funny, how fat people were the fastest sperm & now they barely move at all. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Even when your dreams seem impossible, never give up. Tomorrow could be the day you finally kill yourself. — Nikhil Saluja Dream Copy Share Image
This is one of those work days that reminds me to play the lottery. — Nikhil Saluja Lottery Copy Share Image
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If any of you have been hurt and need someone to talk to, I'm pretty good at taking advantage of vulnerable women. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
