Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Naughty girls wax your nutsack

— Nikhil Saluja

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

You are true... when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Caught my 5 year old playing with my phone and she bought a gun online.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two heads are better than one - undeniable proof that men are the superior sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's always that one asshole who says at band camp when someone else says that one time...

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Strarted banging a stripper named Amazing, she's not all that, but at least I get to say I'm fucking Amazing.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Girls Walk In A Group Its A Group If Boys Walk In A Group Its A GANG.. !

— Nikhil Saluja

Watched a movie with my wife last night, I was on the edge of my seat. Fat bitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing makes me feel more grown up than using Facebook for actual social networking instead of stalking my exes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Chicks with 6 pack abs come into the bedroom with WWE entrance music.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Beating a women is unacceptable. Period. She tries to hit you first, do like I do and tickle her until she pisses…

— Nikhil Saluja

Money cant buy Happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies : You should never change yourself for a guy other than waxing your vagina.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love challenges. That's why I leave everything to the last minute.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), People who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only way to let somebody know they are being a dick, is by acting like a bigger dick. This explains my…

— Nikhil Saluja

If you don't give kids the middle finger when their parents are not looking, we can't be friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lets be honest here, whenever we get a new phone.. we treat it like a new born baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are happy... when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Youre not afraid of clowns, youre afraid of opening your heart to love

— Nikhil Saluja

Too MANY people ask for the truth, but too FEW can actually handle it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl loves when you go all-in in a poker game. The woman loves when you go all-in in the bedroom.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener;

— Nikhil Saluja

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone's throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent.

— Nikhil Saluja

I entered the twitter room, locked myself in and swallowed the key.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time a woman should ever look down on a man is when she's riding his cock like a cowgirl.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

She taught me how to walk. I taught her how to perch on an escalator in a mall.

— Nikhil Saluja

Being in the friend zone is just like being front row at an awesome concert… except you're deaf.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When You're offended when people use the word brew to mean beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I know the person talks a lot I avoid using these words: 1) Really? 2) Please explain! 3) Hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wouldn't it be funny if breast implants came with squeaky toys inside them.

— Nikhil Saluja