I'm the asshole who parks the shopping cart right next to your car in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Always masturbate, because there's homeless kids in Africa with no arms who can't. — Nikhil Saluja Homeless Copy Share Image
If your nose doesn't bleed after masturbating you fuckers are doing it wrong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are honorable... when you find your honor is to honor others. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food or text you all night, you're special to me. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
You said you wont leave me alone but where are you now? I'm alone again and I haven't forgotten about you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. — Nikhil Saluja Animals Copy Share Image
If twitter was highschool my penis would be the spam in every hot chicks inbox. — Nikhil Saluja Twitter Copy Share Image
If Men Got Pregnant: They'd serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
PARTNERSHIP, A legal fiction exactly like marriage, but without the major benefits — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
It's funny how everyday seems the same, yet when you look back a lot has changed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't comeback, tell everyone she has herpes. — Nikhil Saluja Comeback Copy Share Image
No, go live your life. Don't worry about me. I'll be here waiting until you get back. - Twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
Getting your girlfriend all angry just so you can kiss her and make her shut up. — Nikhil Saluja Angry Copy Share Image
I bet at least 10 idiots will tweet about how much they needed this weekend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you… — Nikhil Saluja Funny facebook status Copy Share Image
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now. — Nikhil Saluja Aging Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Business Copy Share Image
If you ever see me wearing red pants feel free to punch me in the face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Life is similar to Boxing game.. Defeat is NOT declared when you fall down; It is declared when you refuse to Get… — Nikhil Saluja Boxing Copy Share Image
If you're an unemployed guy who needs work, turn gay and start getting rim jobs. — Nikhil Saluja Unemployed Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I keep a bike mounted on my trunk, mostly as a warning to other bikes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a co-worker never makes eye contact, try a five-minute bearhug. — Nikhil Saluja Eye contact Copy Share Image
If you don't sleep naked I have no idea what you're doing with your life. — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The sweetest things in life aren't planned..they take you by surprise.! — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I got dimples on my balls sack and every time I get a blowjob bitches are all like awwww. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I really hate when people close their curtains. Especially when I'm on a tree trying to peak in with my binoculars. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I get drunk enough and lay on the floor, the world really does revolve around me. — Nikhil Saluja Drunk Copy Share Image
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. — Nikhil Saluja Alcohol Copy Share Image
First come first serve is irrelevant when you show up with an AK-47. — Nikhil Saluja Amendment Copy Share Image
