When your girlfriend says, you can tell me anything, she's really saying, I'm going to tell this to my next boyfriend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I see a guy wearing skinny jeans, I automatically judge it was a gift from his boyfriend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I star you, you star me, we're a happy family! -This is what I'm usually singing while starring your tweets, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Family Copy Share Image
People that correct you when you use the wrong who/whom are fucking idiots. You know whom you are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just got a tattoo of a toilet on my chest, when I take off my shirt you better recognize that I'm… — Nikhil Saluja Tattoo Copy Share Image
Technically, it's not even cheating if he doesn't cum inside you. — Nikhil Saluja Cheating Copy Share Image
If her facebook status says in a relationship & it's complicated is it safe to say she fucks other guys? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you ever leak any pic a girl sent to you in confidence, you're a piece of pig shit. No question or… — Nikhil Saluja Confidence Copy Share Image
I'm like State Farm; when her husband leaves, I bang his wife 'like a good neighbor'. — Nikhil Saluja Good neighbor Copy Share Image
I have an idea for a bar where all the beer is free…but you have to pay ten dollars every time you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If any Twitter app showed how many times we've visited someone's profile, we'd be in an awkward position. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Clergy Copy Share Image
A moment of silence for all the teenagers whose parents wont let them eat in their room. — Nikhil Saluja Moment of silence Copy Share Image
Going out always seems like a good idea. Until you actually go out and remember how much you hate people. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
My parents used to be happy when I took naps but now they think I'm lazy. — Nikhil Saluja Kids Copy Share Image
Followers, because calling them The people who are witnessing your failure is too sad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why are their so many women on twitter? So you are telling me ALL the dishes are done? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
A Woman Never Say: Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge... — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
During sex I only stick with missionary, I'm afraid to commit to a sex change. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Before twitter, I used to write all this shit down on Post-It notes and leave them around the city. — Nikhil Saluja Twitter Copy Share Image
When a girl cries, just yell happy things. YOGURT. PILATES. STOP CRYING PLEASE. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't hold onto the past and make it a burden that you must live with in the future. Move on. — Nikhil Saluja Burden Copy Share Image
When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on. — Nikhil Saluja Corruption Copy Share Image
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Broken ; heart Copy Share Image
I wish my real life friends were more like my followers. Especially the part where they mention me and I ignore them. — Nikhil Saluja Followers Copy Share Image
The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If God Was A Woman… Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People wearing sunglasses in their avatar are serial killers and should be blocked. — Nikhil Saluja Killers Copy Share Image
Life would be so much easier if our arms disappeared during our sleep. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies love boners cause they're always straight and to the point. — Nikhil Saluja Boners Copy Share Image
Life is not easy and it will only become harder if all you do is complain. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Don't talk to me after I've had my coffee. Don't talk to me. — Nikhil Saluja Coffee Copy Share Image
Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you! means I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
