Nikhil Saluja

Never been more embarrassed than the time I walked in on a co-worker while I was masturbating.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ways of Life : If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

— Nikhil Saluja

There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Takers and Givers Takers Eat Well, Givers Sleep Well..!

— Nikhil Saluja

You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm having a really bad day. Every traffic light was green so I wasn't able to check twitter for 20 minutes. Someone…

— Nikhil Saluja

When a girl puts her Myspace link on her Twitter profile, I automatically assume she's a cock sucking whore.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can change the way you think by listening to different types of music

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever life brings me down, I pick myself right back up... with a line of coke.

— Nikhil Saluja

The magic button to get a woman to behave for at least 20 minutes is called a clitoris.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm still trying to move on but every night I can't stop myself from crying because of you.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life;

— Nikhil Saluja

An apple a day keeps your wife away, if you throw it hard enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I start to feel like a failure I just remember there's no duct tape on my car and everything is better.

— Nikhil Saluja

She doesn't want a man. She just wants a dude she can text all day that makes her laugh.

— Nikhil Saluja

The easiest way to win if your girlfriend likes to play games is by hitting her with a cheat code.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter Scale.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you don't text first, we won't talk - my only rule with my imaginary girlfriend

— Nikhil Saluja

Like to tell my girlfriend Great job on those tits before she leaves for work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I ate sushi and pizza in the same day because my diet is a woman's Tumblr page.

— Nikhil Saluja

No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn't feel what you were going…

— Nikhil Saluja

Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mom walking in on you looking at the Google homepage.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, not swallowing is a huge fucking inconvenience. Respectfully, Men everywhere.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A ceremony favoured in England -- it's the only way to beat their cold winters and lack of central heating;

— Nikhil Saluja

Put vodka in your water bottle and now you're the smartest parent at the school play!

— Nikhil Saluja

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

— Nikhil Saluja

God gave women butt-holes for a reason, and that reason is for sex. Sorry ladies, they're Gods rules not mine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cross-eyed girls are hard to sneak around on, their always keeping a fucking eye on you.

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, An action that only marriage can transform from a pleasure to a duty

— Nikhil Saluja

Ants are the WORST. Unless I see one carrying something. Then they are GOD'S LITTLE MIRACLES!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I wish I followed certain people just so I could stop following them.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I were a complete jerk I guess I'd answer a question with a question too.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that no matter how much I care,some people are just assholes.

— Nikhil Saluja

As a man, the biggest mistake you can make is to take yourself too seriously.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lesbians have to be called by their politically correct names...Vagitarians.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, Someone who is too beautiful for words -- but not for arguments;

— Nikhil Saluja

If you aren't treating her right, don't be mad when someone else steps in and does your job.

— Nikhil Saluja