Nikhil Saluja

Walking around with a 'Don't talk to me. I'm dead inside.' sign on my forehead wasn't a good idea after all.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, What the hell would I do without them

— Nikhil Saluja

Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

— Nikhil Saluja

I often wonder how my tweets are going to sound when read aloud at my future divorce hearing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Using Viagra to masturbate is a hardest time in every man's life...

— Nikhil Saluja

On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

— Nikhil Saluja

A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's terrible to lose someone we love, but it's even worse to lose ourselves while loving them.

— Nikhil Saluja

A relationship without trust is like an ice cream truck without any ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja

NEVER tell your problems to ANYONE¦ 20% dont care, and 80% are glad that you have them !

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your…

— Nikhil Saluja

It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football.

— Nikhil Saluja

Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you give a fuck what they think.

— Nikhil Saluja

My signature move is a Ill call you back and never calling back.

— Nikhil Saluja

In the good old days, girls used to cook like their mothers, NOW THEY DRINK LIKE THEIR FATHERS.

— Nikhil Saluja

Not to brag but I'm so good that I can make women scream before sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, TRADITIONAL, A man who expects his wife to help him with the dishes

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I wonder if life is worth fighting for. Then I think of you and I'm ready for war.

— Nikhil Saluja

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is achieved when silence between two people is comfortable;

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A word which always means commitment -- but so does insanity;

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

Promises are meant to be broken~ So are your arms, legs and your FACE!!

— Nikhil Saluja

My road to success is blocked by a huge rocks obstacle with a big sign that says 'Twitter.com'

— Nikhil Saluja

I dont own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt.

— Nikhil Saluja

Respect relationships. Don't hit on a girl if you know she's taken.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives

— Nikhil Saluja

When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out?

— Nikhil Saluja

Every person has a story to tell, which is why I never talk to people.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's ironic how the people that take a picture of themself in the mirror can't see how stupid they look.

— Nikhil Saluja

NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway.

— Nikhil Saluja

If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you

— Nikhil Saluja

I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets.

— Nikhil Saluja

The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob.

— Nikhil Saluja