Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills. — Nikhil Saluja Doctor Copy Share Image
I recently started selling furniture for a living. Trouble is, it's my own! — Nikhil Saluja Furniture Copy Share Image
It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If Men Got Pregnant: Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay — Nikhil Saluja Maternity Copy Share Image
ProTip: If you need a shoulder to cry on...buy a teddy bear or something like a pillow. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like my women like I like watching my porn on the computer, fucking muted. — Nikhil Saluja Computers Copy Share Image
Roses are red. Violets are blue. They both live in the ground...soon, you will too. — Nikhil Saluja Flowers Copy Share Image
Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time. — Nikhil Saluja Time Copy Share Image
Give a man some 'pussy' and he'll have 'sex' for a day. Teach a man to 'jackoff' and he'll have 'sex' for… — Nikhil Saluja Fish Copy Share Image
I always date girls with beer guts cause you know those bitches can party. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥ — Nikhil Saluja Baby Copy Share Image
I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age. — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do. — Nikhil Saluja Alcoholic Copy Share Image
Whenever you're sad just remember that you dont look like you did in 6th grade. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm husband material (Getting fatter, balding, emotionally distant, intermittently angry for no reason — Nikhil Saluja Husband material Copy Share Image
I don't delete tweets that don't get retweeted. I hug them and tell them they're just as special. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're a cowboy who likes to line dance always remember, the girl behind you is secretly calling you a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Cowboy Copy Share Image
If you're going to act like a pussy, you should at least dress like one... Here I bought you the smallest dildo… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The British Royal Family had to be Gujjus - love dressing gaudy whenever they step out. — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
Found out my girlfriend has been selling her pussy but it's OK she's just playing tricks on me. — Nikhil Saluja Girlfriend Copy Share Image
I just puked and some inspirational tweets came out. Now I know where some of you get your tweets from! — Nikhil Saluja Inspiration Copy Share Image
Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I like my porn like I like my food; homemade and sometimes on the kitchen table. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
1813 Women have no rights. 1913 Women fight for some rights. 2013 Women are always fucking right. — Nikhil Saluja Being a woman Copy Share Image
Can you stop pretending urself as a 'tough' girl on twitter? We get it. You don't give a shit about anyone. Good… — Nikhil Saluja Tough girl Copy Share Image
Facebook should add sexually active to their material status, it would save us on tons of poking. — Nikhil Saluja Poking Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
My wife just asked me to do something she saw in a porn movie: order a pizza. — Nikhil Saluja Marriage Copy Share Image
Inflation hasn't ruined everything. For example, a dime can still be used as a screwdriver. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Helpful weight loss tip: Don't eat so much, you fat piece of shit. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
Love: starts with a friendship, moves to a kiss, leads to between the legs, then finishes on her face. — Nikhil Saluja Friendship Copy Share Image
True Love is like Justin Bieber's masculinity. It doesn't exist. — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. — Nikhil Saluja Democracy Copy Share Image
Ladies: when your parents told you as a child don't spit honey, it's not lady like. Those same rules apply to blowjobs… — Nikhil Saluja Children Copy Share Image
95% of vegetarians are vegetarian just so they can tweet & tell the rest of us they are. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
