“A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you're like an ant. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a house—or destroy it, one window at a time. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.” — Jarod Kintz Bachelor Copy Share Image
“I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.” — Jarod Kintz Productivity Copy Share Image
“I am willing to barter my nudity for your love. That way the IRS can’t tax our transaction.” — Jarod Kintz Barter Copy Share Image
“I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.” — Jarod Kintz Alcoholic Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t pay the prostitute, and that’s the truth. She could have asked my wife, who would have told her that I’m… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A brick could be a columnist for the New York Times, and could even win a Nobel Prize. And why not? Is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The truth is I did try to stab him. I tried to stab him with a butter knife. Why? Because it seemed… — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“There’s a pubic hair in my soup. I’m pissed, because I paid for many more to be sprinkled on top.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of… — Jarod Kintz Congress Copy Share Image
“Those responsible for our economic depression have been found irresponsible. The irresponsible are responsible!” — Jarod Kintz Economic depression Copy Share Image
“When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are… — Jarod Kintz Gratitude Copy Share Image
“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“While I appear to be happy and giggling, rest assured that inside I am sad. And angry. Like that one time—Feb 14,… — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
“I work for a mom and pop business. They’re my mom and pop, and by work I mean they give me an… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I saw her at the party last Saturday. I could tell by her body language that she wanted me. She was wearing… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“A sand trap is like a politician in its duality. It represents two opposing viewpoints. You see, it was designed to trap… — Jarod Kintz Golf Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“After reading one of my one-liners a few years ago, a former professor of mine looked up at me and said, “You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.” — Jarod Kintz Girlfriend Copy Share Image
“This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or reading.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I made a mistake, but I didn’t beat myself up about it. No, I beat up my clone. ” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“When I’m competing to be on the bottom during sex, I always come out on top.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Never chew off the hand you write with, you might survive and have to sign autographs.” — Jarod Kintz Autographs Copy Share Image
Economist should be spelled echonomist, because they all repeat each other. — Jarod Kintz Economics Copy Share Image
“I have so many pet peeves that I can’t even pet them all. And damn I wish they were furry.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Not only did I not get it done, but I’m over budget too. I’m like a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. Orafoura doesn’t call me Mr. Mist for nothing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes.” — Jarod Kintz Political rhetoric Copy Share Image
