Money Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“The monkeys, they just went bananas.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If you put the “rich” in ostrich, I’ll put in the “ost.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If I spent as much time as I did money, I’d be dead tomorrow.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Brushed nickel is a look I like to spend wisely.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I work hard for my money. It feels very liberating to be broke.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If I could have money for any amount of time, I’d take 12:59.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I make art like I make love—slowly, so I get the most for my money.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I like making money. I make it out of wood. I make nickels mostly.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant. Now I owe money to the IRS.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d steal clothes.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A speeding fine lets me know it’s OK to break the law, just so long as I’m willing pay money for the…

— Jarod Kintz

“Make your money make money: Buy a printing press and some blank currency paper.”

— Jarod Kintz

“He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t…

— Jarod Kintz

“The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!”

— Jarod Kintz

“People who are wealthy and good looking don’t know the joy of working to conquer a woman. In the bedroom I can…

— Jarod Kintz

“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days…

— Jarod Kintz

“Compact trash into a cube. Then slice it into thin layers and BOOM—you’ve got pieces of modern art. Each sliver belongs in…

— Jarod Kintz

“One day I want to be so wealthy I can say to my wife, “let’s take a drive—to the end of our…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the…

— Jarod Kintz

“Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money.…

— Jarod Kintz

“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes…

— Jarod Kintz

“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and…

— Jarod Kintz

“Money is a chameleon. It can transform itself into any representation. Sometimes money looks like a pile of cheeseburgers, and other times…

— Jarod Kintz

“Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It’s easy! All you need to do is fill up a shopping cart…

— Jarod Kintz

“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has…

— Jarod Kintz

“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only…

— Jarod Kintz

“A female cop in my dream observes a shuffle, and takes note, but doesn’t fully see the bank robbery I have just…

— Jarod Kintz

“Rich mahogany wood was used to construct the bookshelves, and the floor is also hardwood of the same deep tone. Copper trim…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because…

— Jarod Kintz

“I guess I should be thankful. Full of thank. But what is thank? I can't eat thank, so I know my stomach…

— Jarod Kintz

“Why does Joe Normie think it’s a litmus test for morality if one returns one’s shopping cart? Big-box stores put out of…

— Jarod Kintz

“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love?…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have…

— Jarod Kintz

“Some people create war and misery, some create wealth and money, and some create ideas and art. But we all create our…

— Jarod Kintz

“All I need is your love. And money.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Even free things, things that cost no money, still cost time.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My name is Mr. Raingold. But please, call me Money Showers.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to get even. I want to get even more money.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path”

— Jarod Kintz