Death Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“Death—I’m a nonmember for life.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If death is the end of life, what is birth the end of?”

— Jarod Kintz

“I plan on putting off death my whole life.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Me: On time. Women: Late. Death: Early.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Life insurance is a dying industry.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Marriage is the dearth of sex as we know it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Nothing is certain but death and taxidermy.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I let go of her memory the moment I let go of her hand. She fell over 500 feet to her death.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).
”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. 
”

— Jarod Kintz

“I told the tree it was going nowhere in life. It was hurtful, but true. Now, maybe in death it will go…

— Jarod Kintz

“The peace corps looks like peace corpse, and death isn’t a very peaceful thought to me.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Dream headline from Orafouraville Times: Man Let Go By Employer, Falls To Death”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to keep you three inches away from death.
”

— Jarod Kintz

“-My son was 32 when he died. -Degrees? So he froze to death, huh?”

— Jarod Kintz

“Reginald “If” Ifa IV died today. His last words were, “Death, the great What if.” I dreamt this, but that doesn’t make…

— Jarod Kintz

“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used as a headstone. Or the instrument that proves “until death do us part” is faster and cheaper…

— Jarod Kintz

“It’s a new subject to me, and I’m just starting to get confused. The middle is the muddle, and the end is…

— Jarod Kintz

“Some people sleep their lives away. But I also want to sleep death away. If I sleep long enough, maybe death will…

— Jarod Kintz

“Nearly all of the men I admire are dead, because admiration is fueled by mystery. And what's more mysterious than death? Nothing.…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not…

— Jarod Kintz

“Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a…

— Jarod Kintz

“Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought…

— Jarod Kintz

“Unless I’m dead, I’ll definitely be at your funeral. Just be sure to return the favor and show up at mine. Your…

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to write a universal truism that won’t be blurred by body language, cultural confusion, or translation mishaps, so I want…

— Jarod Kintz

“A tongue, if used the wrong way, can cause serious injury or even death. Politicians are famous for misusing their tongues this…

— Jarod Kintz

“His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom,…

— Jarod Kintz

“Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a…

— Jarod Kintz

“I killed a man for his shoes, and then I realized his feet were much smaller than mine. So I walked around…

— Jarod Kintz

“Some people create war and misery, some create wealth and money, and some create ideas and art. But we all create our…

— Jarod Kintz

“If a man is choking to death on a bite of steak, there is really only one thing to do—finish eating his…

— Jarod Kintz

“Life is is, while death is isn’t. Isn’t that also what you believe? Or is it what you believe?”

— Jarod Kintz

“My lucky rabbit's foot has kept me alive all these years. Hopefully it will do so indefinitely. Immortality through sheer luck.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Death is the only equality guaranteed in life. A poor man will die just as surely as a rich man.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Death is coming—but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility.
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— Jarod Kintz

“Someday I want to write a sixteen-syllable Haiku about the death and disappearance of a monosyllabic word.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A funeral home is like a grocery store of death. Are there any discounts in the meat department?”

— Jarod Kintz

“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.”

— Jarod Kintz