Business Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“Is the company you keep keeping you back?”

— Jarod Kintz

“Sex, like business, is better with multiple partners.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If I went into the prosthetic limb business, I’d charge an arm and a leg.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My business associate said, “OK, Jarod, let’s talk turkey.” And I said, “If you want to talk turkey, you’ll have to wait…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making…

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so…

— Jarod Kintz

“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for…

— Jarod Kintz

“A hammer alone on a coffee table doesn’t kill someone. But a man in a business suit with hemorrhoids might. How that…

— Jarod Kintz

“With my wedding photography business, I want repeat customers. So hooray for divorce! That’s why I take lots of pictures—of cheating spouses.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used as a marketing tool. I’ll help you grow your business, if you help me plant this brick…

— Jarod Kintz

“I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I went to a networking event once. I passed out before I passed out my business cards. My business was called Blacked…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t care that I no longer have my grandma to keep me company at the dining room table. Especially since she…

— Jarod Kintz

“Ben had never seen another hotel quite like The Mandrake. The valets were all dressed like Roman Centurions, the Doorman was dressed…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m acquiring handshakes left and right. I collect introductions, and the best place to procure them is at chamber of commerce networking…

— Jarod Kintz

“I work for a mom and pop business. They’re my mom and pop, and by work I mean they give me an…

— Jarod Kintz

“It’s now 4:17 am, and I just got done dealing with Mrs. Indianapolis, of Indiana. She’s a regular here, and she accompanies…

— Jarod Kintz

“If I own a business, I work for myself. And if I have no revenue, I work for free. That’s not slavery.…

— Jarod Kintz

“Knowing more people is not important in growing your business. However, more people knowing you is the key to wealth. Be a…

— Jarod Kintz

“If your name is Alex Andrew Aaron, and you are a straight-A student, is it because your initials are AAA, because your…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company…

— Jarod Kintz

“In the interview I was told that I’d be replacing Robert, who was a robot. The company thought they could save some…

— Jarod Kintz

“Why does Joe Normie think it’s a litmus test for morality if one returns one’s shopping cart? Big-box stores put out of…

— Jarod Kintz

“I am excited to report that I may have gotten a job as an elevator attendant. It's a three-flight elevator, and my…

— Jarod Kintz

“I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best.”

— Jarod Kintz

“The customs of the customers should be custom designed by me, and sold to the business owner.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Crying about the economy is a strategy. It won’t get you a job, but it will keep Kleenex in business.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My father says I have a knack for business. And he should know, because he’s been bankrupt several times.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.”

— Jarod Kintz

“John Nobody, a Nobody Inc. spokesperson, declined to comment. Or prove his existence or the existence of the company he may or…

— Jarod Kintz

“On Halloween I like to scare up business the old fashioned way: with flyers, business cards, and electroshock therapy while wearing spooky…

— Jarod Kintz

“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets as deep as a typical politician's pants.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A hotel is more than bricks and blankets. A hotel is a welcoming atmosphere, and a place to engage in a business…

— Jarod Kintz

“It may be 9:01 am, and I may have a 9-5 business, but if you are a politician, I’m closed. Come back…

— Jarod Kintz

“The best salespeople are not salespeople, they’re people who’ve not only bought the product, but also bought into the idea of the…

— Jarod Kintz

“With any new business deal, don’t think about how much you can afford to get—think about how much you can afford to…

— Jarod Kintz