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Cats Quotes by Jarod Kintz

70 Cats quotes by Jarod Kintz

All Cats quotes Jarod Kintz’s page

A cat draped over a couch becomes a piece of living art, its fur turned into a quirky love seat that cushions a heart. The cats also appear as a soft, purring blanket that soothes lonely moments. Humor sneaks in, comparing cats to silent mushrooms and noting that loyalty belongs to dogs.

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“Yesterday I complained of chest pains. My cat scratched my nipples.”

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“A meow’s a sound I want to look at. And after I see it, I want to pet it.”

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“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.”

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“My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.”

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“Somebody needs to pet me, and I guess that somebody is me. My cat is busy sleeping.”

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“I’d like touch screens better if they were furry, like cats.”

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“A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred. ”

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“I yelled at my cat to knock it off, and sure enough, he did. And it broke.”

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“To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I could close the bathroom door,…

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“Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me. ”

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“Cats like to cuddle more than any other living creature, including zombies, which are only half dead.”

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“One of the things you never want to be in this life is boring. But once, sad to say, I put my…

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“I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back,…

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“I collect hair. I keep most of it on my floor, but my most valuable patches I display on the bodies of…

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“When I describe love to an emotional Helen Keller, I usually say it has four legs, fur, and possesses the ability to…

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“Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a…

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“You know cats, always scratching on this or that, but never scratching what you want when you want it. (Like my balls,…

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“My cat has long hair. Like a hippy. It gets annoying because I can’t get him to shut up about Vietnam. I…

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“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found,…

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“The phrase “The cat’s out of the bag” tells that a secret’s been exposed to the world. But who put the secret,…

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“If my love for cats were hydrogen, there’d be enough of it to give you skin cancer if you didn’t wear suntan…

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“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think Willie Nelson). I decided to call…

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“Cap’n is the cuddliest cat this side of the rabbit hole. He’s like a furry lump of clay, because no matter what…

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“It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.”

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“The ability to lick their own asses, does this make cats their own bosses?”

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“Cats have tongues with the texture of bricks, and fur as warm and soft as blankets.”

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“Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.”

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“I’ll see a cat and instinctively start petting the hair on my back.”

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“Cats are bundles of cute, wrapped in fur and purrs.”

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“This is a cat’s world, and man’s just allowed to share in it.”

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“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.”

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“Pa extended his paw as if to say, “I’m here, and I’m human.” What else could I do but say, “Meow.”

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“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

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“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

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“I put the “cat” in category. And not only do I put it there, but I pet it too.”

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“If I were to show you pictures of my best friends, they’d all be cats.”

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“My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.”

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“I have a bedroom rug that I feed. It’s not very flat, and it meows when I step on it.”

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“My fur coat is still wet, not from the rain, but from where my cat was licking it. Well, my future fur…

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“I like to see cats tumble around, but I wish they wouldn’t meow so much when I shove them in the dryer.”

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More by Jarod Kintz

“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…

“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…

“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…

“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”

“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”

“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…

“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”

“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…

“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”