“My #love stories have happy endings, because I stop the tales before dejection, dementia, and death occur.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He died a suspicious death. But only because he was a politician, and everything he did was suspicious.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm not afraid of death, I'm just not sure there is life after the honeymoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Death is like bedtime—we all want to put it off until tomorrow. But when you’re going to bed, I’m just getting up,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I moved my hand in and out of the shadow and pondered life and death. Then I put on my lipstick, pulled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love has six sides, but it’s not a coffin. That’s just an optical illusion. Still, one day my love for you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The two lovers were inseparable. Well, I guess death could split them up. So could Ryan Gosling, because she has a thing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, because I plan to live forever through the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The spirit is tied to the brain—for the brain makes us who we are. So if our spirit lives after death, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I only ate popsicles, I wonder if I’d rather freeze or starve to death. Freezing or starving, they’re like either option… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a good thing. Not starving to death is also a good thing. Being in love with a man named Mr.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I never speed, because if I get into an automobile crash and die, I don’t want to have arrived earlier than I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You may be dying, but I’m going to have a picnic and enjoy this glorious day. I won’t let your impending death… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There was an eerie quiet about last night, like death sleeping on the beach of Lake Erie. I woke up with sand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sure, I’d fake my own death. But only if I had the following items: duct tape, seven slinkies, a parachute, and a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
