“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is flowing past you all the time like an invisible breeze. The trick is to get some to slide into your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy Choos, and not have a single foot to put… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a unicycle, my tire will tire before I do. I ride for charity. I’m trying to raise enough money to buy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Any celebrity will tell you there’s no money in being invisible. But any bank robber will tell you there’s all the money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would have made you a cheesecake, but I don’t know how. And I would have bought you a cheesecake, but I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have any money to speak of. And if I did, what’s there to say? They say money talks, but it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could sculpt my shadow into my night clone, and it could be out earning me money while I slept,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Knowing more people is not important in growing your business. However, more people knowing you is the key to wealth. Be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My first inclination is to make my business all about me, but my second instinct is to make my business all about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been that way for 2,000 years.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pay the ransom money before I committed suicide.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to rail against modern railroad barons, because this is America, and I believe that I too will one day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Make your money make money: Buy a printing press and some blank currency paper.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People who are wealthy and good looking don’t know the joy of working to conquer a woman. In the bedroom I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant. Now I owe money to the IRS.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d steal clothes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A speeding fine lets me know it’s OK to break the law, just so long as I’m willing pay money for the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had money now. If only I’d saved my allowance growing up, instead of squandering it on balls, balloons, booze,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
