Writing Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“Masturbation, like writing, is best when your mind is working faster than your hand.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My writing looks like it’s ten steps behind my mind, and racing to always catch up.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to write a book called “Conversations.” Of course, it’s all talk at this point.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dangerous.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.”

— Jarod Kintz

“As a storyteller, I appreciate a great tale. As a cat lover, I appreciate a great tail.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My advice is to write during commercial breaks, and read while your favorite TV show is on mute.”

— Jarod Kintz

“When I can’t write I read. When I can’t read I sleep. And when I can’t sleep I write.”

— Jarod Kintz

“You can read until you’re blue in the face, but I’d recommend writing until you’re red in the face. And ass.”

— Jarod Kintz

“To be a great writer, you must be nomadic. I’d recommend the hunter/gatherer lifestyle for anybody serious about being nonsensical.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.…

— Jarod Kintz

“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years I hope to be…

— Jarod Kintz

“As a writer, I need more exposure. I think I’ll take off my pants. Would you mind if I kept my penis…

— Jarod Kintz

“The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire…

— Jarod Kintz

“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.”…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and…

— Jarod Kintz

“Your writing can be chosen by one publisher and hated by all readers, or it can be rejected by one publisher and…

— Jarod Kintz

“I wrote this because someone put a gun to my head and said, “Write.” And do you know how long it takes…

— Jarod Kintz

“I wish I had eyes that changed colors from blue to gray, and then after I cried, to all the colors of…

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’d say my writing voice is original, and I don’t think you’ll find another quite like it. This makes me sad, because…

— Jarod Kintz

“Sometimes I write about the forest, sometimes I write about the trees, and occasionally I’ll write about the lumberjack. Actually, the lumberjack…

— Jarod Kintz

“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from…

— Jarod Kintz

“A Cyclops on a unicycle juggling three giant eyeballs couldn’t compare to the balanced vision my writing presents. In fact, noted linguist…

— Jarod Kintz

“Before I’ll take my clone on as a pupil in the craft of writing, he must prove his worthiness. He must write…

— Jarod Kintz

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If pens doubled as bullets, I bet few writers would want to write about war.”

— Jarod Kintz

“The word ubiquitous is itself ubiquitous in today’s writing.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“The Book of Us. I’m writing it. And you’re in it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I could write from anywhere, including the moon, provided I had a pencil and not a pen.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Orafoura told me my writing is all nonsense. “Nonsense,” I replied. “Glad you agree, “ he said.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I write like I make love: alone in my bathtub, as I let the fantasy overflow and wash over me.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a person.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My name is Yogurt Vonnegut, and I write with a spoon.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I may have written this before, but I may not have written it as well, so I’ll write it again.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Writer’s block, I just drove around it four times. All my favorite writers live there.”

— Jarod Kintz