“Nonstop sunny days would be boring. We need the gloom to highlight the highs.” — Jarod Kintz Gloom Copy Share Image
“I’m for a big government. A big government contraction.” — Jarod Kintz Big government Copy Share Image
“I’m not in the system. I’m starting to question my own existence.” — Jarod Kintz Existence Copy Share Image
“Jack Black and Betty White should couple and produce Earl Grey. I could go for a cup of tea.” — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball.” — Jarod Kintz Sexuality Copy Share Image
“Socialism provides safety in numbers. And that’s OK, if you don’t mind trading your name—your identity and individualism—for a number.” — Jarod Kintz Capitalism Copy Share Image
“I’m not going to catch any fish in the forest using a steak knife as bait. Still, I’ve got to try.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same… — Jarod Kintz Great wall Copy Share Image
“I want to go to the Olympics. But I don’t want to train, so who’s going to buy me a ticket? I… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used to replace the words yes and no. But which is witch? You’ll have to… — Jarod Kintz Witch Copy Share Image
“I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have… — Jarod Kintz Spring Copy Share Image
“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be if all women cared about were looks?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You’d never been in an elevator before, and I’d never been in love. I said I… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Conventional wisdom holds that water is liquid at room temperature. Well, not if that room’s temperature is 32 degrees. That also happens… — Jarod Kintz Conventional wisdom Copy Share Image
“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m acquiring handshakes left and right. I collect introductions, and the best place to procure them is at chamber of commerce networking… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Fish like shiny things, stupid people like shiny things, and the late Nebular Romular Ichibar IV liked shiny things. He burned to… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“Receiving trophies is all about getting recognized. Wearing big sunglasses and a fake mustache is about not being recognized. Why not wearable… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wasn’t on vacation. I was in the bathroom for an extended length of pee.” — Jarod Kintz Vacation Copy Share Image
“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?” — Jarod Kintz Beer Copy Share Image
“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).” — Jarod Kintz Albino Copy Share Image
“I like the crunch sound of snow under my boots. Better than stepping on knuckles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love giving love. The more I give, the more I have to give.” — Jarod Kintz Giving Copy Share Image
“I put the yes in eyes. Except when I blink, because that’s definitely a no action.” — Jarod Kintz Action Copy Share Image
“Killing a bird is a murder most fowl. Trying to play doctor with a duck makes you a quack.” — Jarod Kintz Killing Copy Share Image
“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest. ” — Jarod Kintz Politicians Copy Share Image
“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.” — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
