“If I went into the prosthetic limb business, I’d charge an arm and a leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets as deep as a typical politician's pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A hotel is more than bricks and blankets. A hotel is a welcoming atmosphere, and a place to engage in a business… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“John Nobody, a Nobody Inc. spokesperson, declined to comment. Or prove his existence or the existence of the company he may or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On Halloween I like to scare up business the old fashioned way: with flyers, business cards, and electroshock therapy while wearing spooky… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A hammer alone on a coffee table doesn’t kill someone. But a man in a business suit with hemorrhoids might. How that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a marketing tool. I’ll help you grow your business, if you help me plant this brick… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I got a networking event, I don’t see a crowd of strangers—I see an admiring audience waiting for me to perform… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made you a logo. It’s supposed to represent you as a person, and that’s why it looks like an asshole. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Knowing more people is not important in growing your business. However, more people knowing you is the key to wealth. Be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My first inclination is to make my business all about me, but my second instinct is to make my business all about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I own a business, I work for myself. And if I have no revenue, I work for free. That’s not slavery.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dreams and ambitions kept me company on the way there, and despair and regret were passengers on my return trip. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some of the higher-ups in the organization don’t know anything about the company—including which floor they are on (the top one). It… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If your name is Alex Andrew Aaron, and you are a straight-A student, is it because your initials are AAA, because your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Why does Joe Normie think it’s a litmus test for morality if one returns one’s shopping cart? Big-box stores put out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the interview I was told that I’d be replacing Robert, who was a robot. The company thought they could save some… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am excited to report that I may have gotten a job as an elevator attendant. It's a three-flight elevator, and my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With my wedding photography business, I want repeat customers. So hooray for divorce! That’s why I take lots of pictures—of cheating spouses.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The customs of the customers should be custom designed by me, and sold to the business owner.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My father says I have a knack for business. And he should know, because he’s been bankrupt several times.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Crying about the economy is a strategy. It won’t get you a job, but it will keep Kleenex in business.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My business associate said, “OK, Jarod, let’s talk turkey.” And I said, “If you want to talk turkey, you’ll have to wait… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had a hand for a penis, would a hand job be appropriate in place of a handshake at business meetings? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The business of business is people, not products or services. Take care of the people, and the people will take care of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
