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Life Quotes by Jarod Kintz

255 Life quotes by Jarod Kintz

All Life quotes Jarod Kintz’s page

Kintz mixes humor with reflections on love and purpose. One quote jokes that a blanket can become a musical instrument for a loved one, while another says life is too short for self‑seriousness. He also pokes fun at politicians, saying he’d tolerate their lies if they didn’t pretend to protect him.

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“My mom gave me life, so I gave her batteries. AA batteries.”

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“Life insurance is a dying industry.”

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“I’m a student of life. My own. So I’m also my own teacher.”

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“I enjoy the small things in life. Like my penis.”

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“Life is short. But so are midgets.”

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“I plan on putting off death my whole life.”

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“Death—I’m a nonmember for life.”

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“Grab life by the tail, and then pet it.”

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“A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you…

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“Life seems so am/pm. But really it’s not as balanced as all that.”

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“Life is is, while death is isn’t. Isn’t that also what you believe? Or is it what you believe?”

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“My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. ”

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“I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life…

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“I want to be like air. Invisible, yet everybody needs me in their life.”

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“I’m not in the system. I’m starting to question my own existence.”

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“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.”

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“If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll…

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“I would sacrifice my life to save two lives, provided those two people would sacrifice their lives to save four lives. In…

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“I may give up on life one day, but that doesn’t mean my clones will just roll over and die. There are…

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“The other day I tried to design a finish line, but I didn’t know where to start. So I just sat there…

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“I had a dream about you. We were comparing scars. All of yours were on your body, while all of my scars…

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“Control your temper, or it will control you. Sometimes even remotely, like a toy car. Christmas is coming up, and for only…

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“I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will…

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“If you expect others to think for you, then you expect others to live your life for you. And I’m sorry, but…

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“If I were a paper pusher for a living, I’d be pissed if my coworkers moved my desk into the wind tunnel.…

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“A brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly…

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“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics…

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“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.…

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“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected official. In other words, in this scenario, you get…

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“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be…

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“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And…

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“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish…

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“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,…

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“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a…

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“What is art? Art is tar, rearranged. Art is tar on canvas or tar on tarp or tar on a naked body.…

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“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have…

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“I don’t know why she broke up with me. I was always there when she needed me. Well, aside for about 3/4ths…

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“If death is the end of life, what is birth the end of?”

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“Enjoy a life of poverty. Become a poet.”

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“With six pieces of wood, I’m building a life, and my coffin.”

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More by Jarod Kintz

“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…

“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…

“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…

“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”

“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”

“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…

“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”

“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…

“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”

Jarod Kintz Quotes About:

Love Quotes 743
Time Quotes 339
Brick Quotes 323
Brick Used Quotes 199
Politics Quotes 192
Blanket Quotes 180
Blanket Used Quotes 168
Food Quotes 167
Money Quotes 156
Books Quotes 124