Love Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“I love nature. It beats having to flush.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Alone is just another word for love.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Love is, or you isn’t.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Love is, just like isn’t isn’t is.”

— Jarod Kintz

“One plus love equals lonely.”

— Jarod Kintz

“All I need is your love. And money.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I enjoy breakfast in bed. But not while I am sleeping, because that’s when I’m making love.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m always the last in love by exactly one person.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I’d rather have a high EQ than a high IQ. After all, what is more important than love?”

— Jarod Kintz

“We made love like we didn’t, only more so less.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A windmill has arms, but does not hug. Where’s the love?”

— Jarod Kintz

“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“When it doesn’t matter to you, that’s where I’ll find the most matter. The pile of trash builds up just as fast…

— Jarod Kintz

“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box…

— Jarod Kintz

“My love has six sides, but it’s not a coffin. That’s just an optical illusion. Still, one day my love for you…

— Jarod Kintz

“Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like…

— Jarod Kintz

“Love is like a zebra refereeing a football game. I should know, because I am the rodeo cowboy riding that zebra.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My apartment complex isn’t. No, it’s simple. I used to think our love was simple, until Chris Hemsworth moved into your heart.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to show you how much I love you. Well, maybe not a whole brick, but certainly a…

— Jarod Kintz

“Don’t put the hat in hate and then wear it around with pride. Wear your love like socks for gloves, and let…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.”…

— Jarod Kintz

“If I converted an old bubble gum machine into a Love Dispenser, and charged a quarter for some love, then people probably…

— Jarod Kintz

“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled…

— Jarod Kintz

“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics…

— Jarod Kintz

“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If…

— Jarod Kintz

“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a…

— Jarod Kintz

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But…

— Jarod Kintz

“Cupid, that chubby cherub love dispenser, is dead. But before he died, he appointed me his apprentice in love. I loved Cupid,…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of…

— Jarod Kintz

“I had a dream about you. We made a good team, you and I, and I thought we were in love, but…

— Jarod Kintz

“I had a dream about you. I was trying to dissect love like it was a frog, and you were trying to…

— Jarod Kintz

“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love?…

— Jarod Kintz

“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish…

— Jarod Kintz

“Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought…

— Jarod Kintz

“If my love for cats were hydrogen, there’d be enough of it to give you skin cancer if you didn’t wear suntan…

— Jarod Kintz