“I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wonder how far I’d go for love. I guess it all depends on the price of gas. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a balloon, and fortunately, my lover is a blow up doll.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love in a HAZMAT suit. I think I contaminated the relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She wasn’t gung ho, but she was Gung’s ho. There’s no love lost between them, because I found it all and sold… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She gave me the cold shoulder, so I heated it up in the microwave. Sometimes #love is leftovers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a lot like coffee, I once thought as I suckled on a milky nipple. But I was one at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t measured in feet and miles, it’s measured in hands and hands on. (Yesterday at 3:33 pm I spoke to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to share my thoughts with you. Press your forehead firmly against mine, and let my mind transfer to yours. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were crying, and your tears were so salty I decided to collect your sadness to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my love for cats were hydrogen, there’d be enough of it to give you skin cancer if you didn’t wear suntan… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t search for a void to fill. Find a vacuum to carpet. Let this be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
