“Out of love I made you a cake. Also out of milk, eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rejection.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Mr. Needleneeds, and I’m looking for a haystack. It’s easier to find than love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked for her hand in marriage, but instead got the whole body. Love is full of surprises!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the love machine of desire. I’m easy to operate. Just pull on my lever.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It's easy to say I love you, but much harder to show it. Be bold. Be in love—and show it. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love sounds like an elephant weighs. I know, because I’ve seen it with my own two nostrils. I’ve grown fat on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I meant to miss, and I made it, then I missed my miss. So I missed and I made it, rather… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Our romance lasted a few months. I was so deflated the day I lost my air pump and couldn’t blow love into… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my handlebar mustache, while I thought about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a bridge between your future and mine. A bridge constructed entirely out of trust, honesty, and in our case, wooden… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me. And my first words to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The love doctor, Orafoura, says there are two things that a guy can do to promote a healthy relationship: One, grow out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sped-read through a book that probably weighed a pound, though I only gleaned about nine ounces of information. That's because it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I converted an old bubble gum machine into a Love Dispenser, and charged a quarter for some love, then people probably… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love with all your heart. And the rest of your body. Oh, and your mind, too.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I never stopped loving you. I never did. I never loved you, not: I never did stop loving you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make love to the French Revolution. Or maybe just get some head from Robespierre.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made an ice sculpture that represents my love for you. It never melts.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
