“I fell in love, but she wasn’t there to pick me up. So I took a taxi.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If we built a boat out of our love, she’d build an ark, while I’d build a canoe.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am willing to barter my nudity for your love. That way the IRS can’t tax our transaction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the food of love. And do you know what food that is? Distilled barley.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love smelled like cheese, as some people assume it does, then I'd rather be a goat and make love all day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an inconsequential errand to run tomorrow so I’ll get up at 5, be there at 5:30, and wait for them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a person, it would look like me, only taller. And more handsome. And quite likely more muscular too.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s spring now, and I was just thinking that I haven’t been in love since the fall. The fall of the Roman… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one wheel. Now I’m one unicycle away from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Herman is not her man. But neither am I, and I love her more than any man besides Herman. But she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is as blue as the sky, and if I had to attach a time to it I’d say midnight.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll agree with you if you promise to argue with me. That’s what love is, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
