“Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would you rather be affluent, or influential? I’d rather be fluent in the language of love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love can’t spread its wings and fly, because love is an ostrich. But it can sure run fast!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I know about being in love can be summed up in three words: Huh, who me?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is as Swift as Taylor. You’d better shoot it down before it flies away. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a billowy white cloud exploded, that’d be close to what my love looks like. The only difference is my love has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An author named Arthur Arthurson would write about art, love, and road kill in Kenya. And I’d read him because I’m a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I cling to our love like saran wrap on leftovers. If you want to know when dinner will be ready, the answer… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a woman named Ms. Silver won a gold medal, she’d probably be a little disappointed she didn’t place second. My love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a new subject to me, and I’m just starting to get confused. The middle is the muddle, and the end is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is two smiles shared between two people. Or two smiles and a smirk, shared between one couple and a jerk. Or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Should I take off her… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was in Love once. I think I stayed at a Holiday Inn. Or maybe I was in Loveland, Co. But either… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t make love. But I do have it made in China. It’s just more cost effective.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is useful, and my love is for sale. (Batteries not included).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry on about how much you love me, and I carry on my love like it’s carry-on luggage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talking? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“That night when we made love, she saw a side of me she’d never seen—the left side.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love melted like a statue made of butter, would you consider me a pancake or a waffle?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Have I ever been in love? Have your ears ever itched from inside your urethra?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
