“Pants don’t walk without legs in them. Let that be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I walk like I have tornadoes for legs. Let us make love like Kansas.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap my love in, before it dissipates out into the world. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up about life, but not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could, I’d eat love for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for in-between snacks, I’d eat passion fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m making love. I need to arrange my priorities. Sleeping… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you give everything and expect nothing in return, only then will you be in a position to gain anything. When you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I collected dust, I wouldn’t mind if I got dust on it. My collection would grow and accumulate naturally. Probably my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather have a high EQ than a high IQ. After all, what is more important than love?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I enjoy breakfast in bed. But not while I am sleeping, because that’s when I’m making love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She said “I love you,” and I said the only thing I could say: “How about every other Tuesday?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
