“A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My writing looks like it’s ten steps behind my mind, and racing to always catch up.” — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“This is the Los Angeles Lakers of sunsets. Purple and yellow, it reminds me of Larry Bird.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The most deadly combination known to man is low IQ and high testosterone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Spiders are my kryptonite. Also, neon green crystals are my kryptonite. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If we built a boat out of our love, she’d build an ark, while I’d build a canoe.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear a jockstrap with my gun holster (loaded with fruits and vegetables).” — Jarod Kintz Fruits and vegetables Copy Share Image
“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“When I golf, I use just enough strokes to create a masterpiece, like I'm a painter. The score I post up would… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the page over and ignore them.” — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“Wine enhances your beauty by making others look at you differently. Well, so long as they are the ones drinking it. If… — Jarod Kintz Alcohol Copy Share Image
“If it’s been more than 24 hours, you call the cops and I’ll buy the flowers. I’ll meet you at church, first… — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“If I only had five minutes left to live, I’d only be half as alarmed as normal, because my watch is five… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to… — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“Her name is Denise, and she has green eyes and red hair. Well, this week. Last week her hair was dyed blonde,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.”… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met… — Jarod Kintz Comfort zone Copy Share Image
“A brick could replace the eagle as the symbol for the United States of America. And why not? A brick just sort… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When trying to find the words to tell her how much I loved her, I stumbled across the ingredients for grilled cheese… — Jarod Kintz Grilled cheese Copy Share Image
“If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayonnaise—and the moon. (But don’t hold it in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was laughing in the park, when I saw some fool throwing what I thought was a bomb. It turned out to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thor pushes the empty wheelbarrow by me and I decide to say something. “Wheelbarrows are great, huh? They make even the lightest… — Jarod Kintz Wheelbarrows Copy Share Image
“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Washington dc Copy Share Image
“If I had a street named after me, it would really put me on the map.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“2021—will it be a good year, or will it be just another two consecutive numbers?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put the men in mental. Well, me and my clones do. Alone I just put in the man.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“The question is not where am I, but who am I? Where I am: Inside the body of my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Body Copy Share Image
“I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With over one billion people, I’d say China is the best place to have group sex.” — Jarod Kintz China Copy Share Image
“I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Keys, they make it easier to get in and out of doors. So does invisibility.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not descended from anybody. All my ancestors are ascending from me.” — Jarod Kintz Ancestors Copy Share Image
“I drive a car that’s covered in fur, because before the automobile, there was the horse.” — Jarod Kintz Automobile Copy Share Image
“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, dont knock it. — Jarod Kintz Funny Copy Share Image
“There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
