People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
I did skit comedy online for many years, beginning around 2001. Around 2006 I started watching a lot of food television and… — Nadia Giosia Copy Share Image
“He had kissed me. Put his demon tongue in my mouth. I had kissed him back. Yet I had a boyfriend. Adam.… — Erin Lynn Copy Share Image
Any comic is a tragic soul. Comedy is one of the things that allows one to survive. Particularly if one has been… — Twyla Tharp Copy Share Image
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Two- to four-finger waves are commonly used between fast-moving vehicles, but the nicely executed single-finger wave is a thing of beauty and… — Howard Mohr Copy Share Image
“How long do we wait?” “Long as it takes,” he said distractedly because she was sucking the salt off her thumb. Then… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“Firen didn’t waste any time setting up the meeting with Egnatious. The following day she was in such a rush to tell… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
My experience growing up in London and growing up in a working class background is that when people are down and out,… — Daniel Kaluuya Copy Share Image
I'd always liked having a laugh with my friends, and I'd done comedy in plays; but then my friends asked me to… — Rachel Parris Copy Share Image
Comedy is so fun. I don't know how these people can make movies and work on them for four months and they're… — Colleen Haskell Copy Share Image
I think I'm not uber into the comedy scene, but I love to laugh, especially in our business, where you're always front… — John Cena Copy Share Image
My mother and my father are both very funny people, and they're both artistic in their own right. Oftentimes, we get very… — Lulu Wang Copy Share Image
“I once gave my friend his braille book to him upside down and I got a punch in the shoulder. He was… — Haresh Daswani Copy Share Image
“Ly-di-ah! I sit beneath your window, laaaass, singing ’cause I loooove your a—” “For the love of St. Francis of Assisi, someone… — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
“Mom stood over the still thrashing ghost with the bat and brought it down on its head again and again. "Leave him… — C.A. Marshall Copy Share Image
“Not that I'm complaining. It was better than my old dream, where Harma Dogshead was feeding me to her pigs." "Harma's dead."… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
“Straightening, I asked, "What do you believe in?" "Old love songs, best friends, the collected works of J.R.R.Tolkien, crispy pork egg rolls… — Cynthia Leitich Smith Copy Share Image
“You're the kind of child who might develop a passion for Bach." I told him I hadn't at school. The one Bach… — Dodie Smith Copy Share Image
“When the Italian poet Dante described the center of hell in his poem The Divine Comedy, he got it wrong. The epicenter… — Steve Dublanica Copy Share Image
When people say, 'How did you start in comedy,' I say my family was kidnapped by ninjas when I was very young,… — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
“Listen closely...this is the most important thing you need to know while you're here. Do not eat the haddock. They've been overcooking… — Veronica Rossi Copy Share Image
My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“There was an old Taoist who lived in a village in ancient China, named Master Hu. Hu loved God and God loved… — David James Duncan Copy Share Image
“I turned up the inane sound effects and let them fill the room, setting up an atmosphere of mind-body pollution while Miss… — Alice Yi-Li Yeh Copy Share Image
Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
“Boys are found everywhere- on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them,… — Alan Beck Copy Share Image
“At moments like this he suspected that Hitler had been nothing but a harried bureaucrat and Satan himself a mental defective with… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
I'm probably a lot closer than perhaps the contents of my early fiction suggest to a jaded Denny's waitress with smoker's-lung-black humor… — Karen Russell Copy Share Image
What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
It's not hard for me to be funny in front of people, but most of that is just horrified nerves taking the… — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
“It was how it had been with the madman among the tombs, that their number was legion, far in excess at any… — Kem Nunn Copy Share Image
“What’s the biggest problem facing teenagers today? Ourselves. We’re a generation of lazy underachievers who need to learn that hard work pays… — Nadria Tucker Copy Share Image
“But I was starving! You know I always forget my lunch—and who expects me to concentrate on Advanced Manga Drawing Level 2… — Tiffany Fulton Copy Share Image
I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“...nobody belongs to that world...Nobody feels as if they belong, at any rate. They're all watching each other--fearful of the laughter coming… — Meredith Duran Copy Share Image
“Is there anything you want to do before we put our heads in plastic boxes for two days?' I thought about this… — Tom Francis Copy Share Image
I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
