The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In another moment he was flying down the street with his pail and a tingling rear, Tom was whitewashing with vigor, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Wherever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I had been to school most all the time, and could spell, and read, and write just a little, and could say… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I once heard a grouty northern invalid say that a coconut tree might be poetical, possibly it was; but it looked like… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." [ Mark Twain, a Biography ]” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He is in heaven now, and happy; or if not there, he bides in hell and is content; for in that place… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He had had much experience of physicians, and said, the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There have been daring people in the world who claimed that Fenimore Cooper could write English, but they are all dead now.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
![“Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” quote by Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/6c3/mark-twain-22_assault_only-laughter-can-blow-a-colossal-humbug_2875586.png)
![“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." [ Mark Twain, a Biography ]” quote by Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/8a8/mark-twain-22_humor_under-certain-circumstances-profanity-pr_1607424.png)
