I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I have no real enemies in comedy, but there are a couple of people who I'd laugh about if I heard that… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
British people have a really sophisticated sense of humour, because we're exposed to much more than Europeans and Americans, not least in… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem! — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Comedy is a terrible way to meet women. It's certainly a way to start talking to them, but they always have preconceptions… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I did a ski festival in Austria once. I was struck by how friendly Austrians were, before gradually realising it's more that Glaswegians are… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
Your ruling class don't care about what happens to you. What seems like some enormous upset in your community is undetectable from a helicopter… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
Remember, taboos are just a map of what a society feels it's acceptable to be neurotic about. Taboos aren't rational. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
If you feel more emotion looking at a picture of queuing lorries than a picture of desperate humans living in a lay-by, you need… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech,… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
In a lot of farther-flung places in Scotland people are guarded at first, but as soon as they get to know you they really… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
Trump's one liberal policy seems to be his desire to pump more funding into mental health - which I've taken the liberty of interpreting… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
We fear the arrival of immigrants that we have drawn here with the wealth we stole from them. For much of the rest of… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share
