We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“There is a story I always tell my students...when I came for the 1st time to the US. I didn’t speak English… — Pablo Copy Share Image
“With faces entirely invisible through suits, it was hard to be sure, but my impression was that he was watching me and… — Janet Edwards Copy Share Image
“He started to wonder if maybe they had been raptured while he was in school. He always worried the Lord would show… — Rachel Autumn Deering Copy Share Image
I really love 'Real Housewives.' It's like the, you know, comedy stuff that's, like, intentionally funny. Like, I love 'Nathan for You,'… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
“First, I’m going to teach you how to Irish Whip someone.” “Oh, that sounds kinky. I want my safeword to be peaches,”… — Kyle Adams Copy Share Image
“He’s so fucking unconventionally perfect. I don’t know whether I want to kick him in the balls or lick his face.” — Heather M. Orgeron Copy Share Image
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
“By the fire, a spindly, insectile faerie stirs a big pot. 'You want soup, mortal?' I shake my head. 'You want to… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Getting money from my dad is a finesse job. Luckily, I have finesse coming out of my arse. I barged into his… — Sarra Manning Copy Share Image
It's really funny to me that I get called a workhorse or somebody who's really good at making other people better in… — Dolph Ziggler Copy Share Image
When a woman says nothing's wrong that means everything is wrong and when a woman says everything's wrong that means everything is… — The Simpsons Copy Share Image
I had several turtles before they were in. People seemed to think they were funny. Now everyone is wearing them practically every… — Peter Graves Copy Share Image
I absolutely admit I had him in the handcuffs so he wouldn't go anywhere while I checked the computer... I certainly wasn't… — Boy George Copy Share Image
“Mal snickered. "What's so funny?" "I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with… — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
“We found it!" Charlotte yelled, as they ran back through the house. "We found it, we found it!" Eddie, Mr. Mallery, and… — Shannon Hale Copy Share Image
I loved the Godfather. I thought that was the best interpretation of our life that Ive ever seen. Godfather I and Godfather… — Sammy Gravano Copy Share Image
Ask me a question. Don't say talk about it, ask me a question. I'm not going to talk about it if it… — John Tortorella Copy Share Image
Next time your in an elevator with a few strangers, turn around and say,I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hipster Sexism consists of the objectification of women but in a manner that uses mockery, quotation marks, and paradox: the stuff you… — Alissa Quart Copy Share Image
And me? I'd just have the biggest smile :D cause I was hanging out with my fav guys hehe:):) At some moments… — Treasure/Heroine/Actress/Princess Copy Share Image
“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.” — Andy Weir Copy Share Image
This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
I can count on one hand the number of people who wrote me a thank you letter after having an interview, and… — Kate Reardon Copy Share Image
I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch… — Jack Sparrow Copy Share Image
Men say women should come with instructions.. what's the point of that? Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My dad has blond hair, my grandmother has blue eyes. My daughter has blue eyes and blond hair. So it is pretty… — Ruthie Ann Miles Copy Share Image
Little jonny wanted to go to disiney world, so I loaded him up in my car and drove him to a burned… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The funny thing is that I've known since I was 7 years old that I was never going to have kids. I… — Kat Von D Copy Share Image
“It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you But those roses are wilting, the violets are dead,… — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense, we called ourselves "Injured". Later on… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If ur world is spinning around and ur heart is beating fast.. Do u think its love? ? ? ? No no… — Curly_girl Copy Share Image
“He chuckled into my hair. My body decided this would be a fine moment to remember that his body was wrapped around… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“She ought to call him Benjamin, but it was too intimate, too soft. "My lord?" she ventured, only half serious. "Good, God,… — Kristen Callihan Copy Share Image
I think 'Nathan for You' is a really funny show, along with 'The Grinder' and 'Baskets.' I really like 'Man Seeking Woman.'… — Anders Holm Copy Share Image
It isn't what happens to us in life that creates our joy, but rather how we respond to what happens in our… — Debbie Ford Copy Share Image
... don't be afraid to screw up !... one of the key issues to learning is making mistakes ... if you're not… — Robben Ford Copy Share Image
