If a wig is funny when it's two feet tall, why not make it three feet tall? Or ten? — Chris March Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're a dude and it takes more than 20 seconds to take of your jeans because it's tight,You Gay ! — Boat_Grandberry Copy Share Image
Stealing and cheating is a great talent but getting caught is a great sin… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life has a funny way of working out when you start to believe it never will. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to be able to feel as many parts of myself while watching a movie at one time. I think that's… — James Gunn Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“From: Beth Fremont To: Jennifer Scribner-Snyder Sent: Thurs, 09/30/1999 3:42 PM Subject: If you were Superman … … and you could choose… — Rainbow Rowell Copy Share Image
You know, the funny thing about awards - some people are, like, 'Well, it does validate the quality of the work or… — Jamie Hector Copy Share Image
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over,… — Luke Salisbury Copy Share Image
I'd love to get into some comedy, but people keep saying, 'You're not funny!' And I say, 'Well, fair enough.' I have… — Ciaran Hinds Copy Share Image
The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband. — Francesca Annis Copy Share Image
Of all that Heaven produces and nourishes, there is none so great as man. — Confucius Copy Share Image
And write what you love - don't feel pressured to write serious prose if what you like is to be funny. — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room — Mercedes McCambridge Copy Share Image
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear. — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
That really annoying moment when you can't find the long side of the blanket. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To me, writing is remembering something funny that happened, or maybe something I said seven years ago. — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I, who have never willfully pained another, have no business to pain myself. — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
“Does Playboy still run fiction?” “I have absolutely no idea, Melinda,” he said, grinning.” — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Set Your Goals High Enough To Inspire You And Low Enough To Encourage You — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I maintain that I never expect anything, therefore Im always pleasantly surprised. — Lianne La Havas Copy Share Image
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. — Ken Dodd Copy Share Image
Hey baby, feel my sweater. You feel that? That's boyfriend material. — Raghib Clitso Copy Share Image
“Wait a minute, hold on... The dude dies, and the girl cries so hard that she gets turned into a fountain ? ” — Caroline Goode Copy Share Image
