You can either take it as a way to motivate yourself or be happy with what you've got. — Jeremy Bonderman Copy Share Image
“That's about as effective as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.” — Denise Tompkins Copy Share Image
It's funny: I don't feel like I have any particular privileged feeling for the Fifties. — Todd Haynes Copy Share Image
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. — Honore de Balzac Copy Share Image
How we all always forget that there are more people helping the victims than those people creating the victims. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Went to This Weird Store haha were Nutella was only $1.79 And at Wal-mart its like 4 dollars a jar! so I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all." "Too bad… — Jesse Hajicek Copy Share Image
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
“I'm the master of distractions. A couple of hand gestures and BAM! I'll pull the underwear clean off your butt.” — Si Robertson Copy Share Image
I took nine years of French, but I can't remember any of it. I realized on the plane ride over that if… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“It's funny how you think you've said something when you never really did. It's also funny how you can think you've heard… — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you can't find anybody else, then I'll go. So, they couldn't find anybody else. So, I went. — Victoria Gray Adams Copy Share Image
I wonder what's better. GOOGLE? YAHOO? or BING? wait ... I'll google it. — Emaliebaby Copy Share Image
We will in fact encourage them to commit more suicides. We have given them death and poison. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Not wanting to scare my dog is the perfect excuse for never vacuuming my house. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is it me or does Big Mo Slater off Eastenders look like the donkey from Shrek? — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
La cucaracha, la cucaracha, Ya no quieres caminar, Porque no tienes, Porque le falta, Marihuana que fumar. — Pancho Villa Copy Share Image
A teenager is always too tired to hold a dishcloth, but never too tired to hold a phone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Life is funny that way. Sometimes the dumbest thing you do turns out to be the smartest.” — Robyn Mundell Copy Share Image
The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it. — William Styron Copy Share Image
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Decide what your priorities are and how much time you'll spend on them. If you don't, someone else will. — Harvey Mackay Copy Share Image
“A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
I always think of the Joker as the ultimate bully. Nothing he says is funny except to him. — Paul Dini Copy Share Image
“The intelligent man finds everything laughable, the sensible man hardly anything.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If God had wanted us to play football in the sky, He'd have put grass up there. — Brian Clough Copy Share Image
