The more you depend on forces outside yourself, the more you are dominated by them. — Harold Sherman Copy Share Image
A funny thing about women and machines: the combination made men curious. — Rachel Kushner Copy Share Image
Sex is like pizza; if you're gonna use BBQ sauce, you'd better know what you're doing! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“He was like a poorly written plot twist—predictable yet somehow still disappointing.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think it's funny because on 'Glee Project,' there's that added pressure, but with 'Glee,' there's no element of competition. No one's… — Samuel Larsen Copy Share Image
“Seth joined the group of very stern-looking men, and they immediately started talking, their voices too low for me to hear, but… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Have you ever lie so much...you start believing yourself...lol...I swear dis morning I waz like Damn did I really fuck wit Alicia… — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“For it is written that "if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When the dentist told me to open my mouth and get closer her head I'm pretty sure she wanted to kiss me,… — RK26 Copy Share Image
It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you. — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be. — Elaine Stritch Copy Share Image
It's so funny: I sort of fell into genre roles, but I'm not really a genre guy. — Paul Wesley Copy Share Image
“You shoot him in this car and we'll be screwed so hard, we'll be walking funny for the rest of our lives.” — Michelle Elaine Lowe Copy Share Image
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.” — Randy Kagan Copy Share Image
Faith is that quality or power by which the things desired become the things possessed. — Kathryn Kuhlman Copy Share Image
Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Prudence is the knowledge of things to be sought, and those to be shunned. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
It serves the purpose of not serving a purpose, surely quite a valid one. — Peter Greenaway Copy Share Image
I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
