I don't play roulette, but it's funny: whenever somebody I know is going to Vegas, I'm like, 'Put it on black.' — Gilbert Arenas Copy Share Image
Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am often asked how I got into the business. I didn't. The business got into me. — Leo Burnett Copy Share Image
I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. — Roy Bean Copy Share Image
Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are no good crackers, and if you find one, kill him before he changes.. — Khalid Abdul Muhammad Copy Share Image
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and… — Ben Berger Copy Share Image
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Something about a performance - it's in the air, it's in the moment. It never really bothers me when something goes wrong;… — Greg Kurstin Copy Share Image
“I know you're making a joke, but that Predator blew himself up with a bomb. The first human to actually kill an… — Andy Weir Copy Share Image
In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and… — Millie Bobby Brown Copy Share Image
“Sikujui. Lakini naamini hungependa kuishi maisha yako hapa duniani bila kuacha urithi au kumbukumbu ya aina yoyote katika jamii. Zifuatazo ni ngazi… — Enock Maregesi Copy Share Image
The things you have that money won't buy are the things that will enable you to get more of the things that… — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
