Funny Quotes · Page 81

I happened to be in the right place at the right time.

— Calvin Harris

Beer ... a high and mighty liquor.

— Julius Caesar

I never get to be funny on T.V.

— Diane Neal

Take what you do seriously, but yourself lightly

— Ken Blanchard

So I'm Singing Mean and better then revenge?(: Ok(:

— Anonymous

La memoria no guarda películas, guarda fotografías.

— Milan Kundera

Seeing a perfect relationship saying 'Man, if only

— Anonymous

The law often permits what honor prohibits.

— Bernard-Joseph Saurin

Boy : I really like you. Girl : Cool story bro, how many other girls did you tell that to ?

— Anonymous

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

— Frank Carson

I just want to be successful enough to make others do the work that I'm being paid to do.

— Green Monk

To change is to live, to live is to change, and not to change is to die.

— Tennessee Williams

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

— Hemant Smarty

You are already one with God; you want to become consciously aware of it.

— Wallace D. Wattles

As Danand Ian over at the Lifestyle Business Podcast say: Rush to failure.

— Thomas A. Edison

It's the fear of what comes after the doing that makes the doing hard to do.

— Tony Kushner

I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola

— Anonymous

“Everything has taken on a strange, distant quality - the sounds of running and shouting outside get warped and weird like they're…

— Lauren Oliver

Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off…

— Denis Leary

To a dog, motoring isn't just a way of getting from here to there, it's also a thrill and an adventure. The…

— Jon Winokur

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an…

— Erma Bombeck

A relationship with God is the most important relationship you can have. Trust him and everything will always turn out fine.

— Nikhil Saluja

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit…

— Robin Williams

“That one doesn’t count. The poor scoundrel is deaf, but he makes a fine sniffer. How do you think we found you?”

— H.S. Crow

You'll never, eever, be the same, again!

— Chris Jericho

We are sparks that must glow as brightly as possible.

— Asger Jorn

Practice random acts of . . . Grumpiness.

— Grumpy Cat

The meaning is in the waiting,

— R. S. Thomas

“...Neferet fell smack on her butt.”

— P.C. Cast

It is what the Taoists say: The way to do is to be.

— Drunvalo Melchizedek

The flaw is the thing we love.

— Gail Caldwell

You're nobody 'til somebody kills you.

— The Notorious B.I.G

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

— Mark Twain

Don't tell me words don't matter,

— Deval Patrick

Lindy Hoppers never die - they just swing out.

— Frankie Manning

He did each single thing as if he did nothing else.

— Charles Dickens

There is nothing good in love but the physical part.

— Georges-Louis Leclerc, Comte de Buffon

I don't think I'm like Shakespeare.

— Joss Whedon

Clever is the eunuch version of funny.

— George Meyer

Prayer is the laying aside of thoughts.

— Evagrius Ponticus