I'm an immigrant myself. I'd probably support it, but I can't do much. — Adrian Beltre Copy Share Image
I think that's what comedians do: We're funny in the moment. We're just so self-reflective and narcissistic. — Taylor Tomlinson Copy Share Image
When I die I want someone to continue uploading my quotes, just to freak people out :) — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
“I listened in on a KKK rally but all I could hear was a bunch of white noise.” — Rick Silber Copy Share Image
“One of these days I'm gonna beat him in the face with the butt of my service revolver until an eyeball pops… — John Layman Copy Share Image
“The dog growled again, long and ferocious. The hair on my neck tingled. And just when I knew he would attack, a… — Carol Petrie Copy Share Image
Too much is bad...like LOVE if it is too much...it's entertaining, it's crazy. So.. Government warning: Two timer is dangerous to your… — Innah Delos Angeles Copy Share Image
Isn't it funny that God takes you and puts you through the unendurable, and then, at the moment you have just begun… — Richard Dreyfuss Copy Share Image
“Charlie waves me on, then leans an elbow on his chair. Propping his head up with a finger by his temple. He's… — Krista Ritchie Copy Share Image
“While he sat there he decided he would buy a waterbed. He had always imagined owning a waterbed when he was successful,… — Lisa Moore Copy Share Image
“Being immortal is grand and all but I don't really remember half of what I did. The human brain was not made… — John Kennebrew Copy Share Image
“She needed Andrew Simpson Smith, it was that simple. And he had spent his life training to help people like her. Gods.… — Scott Westerfeld Copy Share Image
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There is the love of knowing without the love of learning; the beclouding here leads to dissipation of mind. — Confucius Copy Share Image
The principles of comedy are the principles of comedy. I can hear funny. — Stephan Pastis Copy Share Image
God doesn’t want to take your money. He just doesn’t want your money to take you. — Andy Stanley Copy Share Image
It's funny when someone breaks an awkward silence by saying 'that was an awkward silence.' — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Ask what you can do for influencers, not what influencers can do for you - develop relationships! — Laura Fitton Copy Share Image
We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. — Franklin D. Roosevelt Copy Share Image
I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
We can't control systems or figure them out. But we can dance with them! — Donella Meadows Copy Share Image
But when I did it (the triple-double), I didn't even know it until someone told me. — Oscar Robertson Copy Share Image
Only Peter Parker who do not end up in hospital when bitten by poisonous spider, even he become more stronger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And the history books forgot about us, and the bible didn’t mention us — Regina Spektor Copy Share Image
Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail. — Virginia Graham Copy Share Image
If you look at everything straight on, there is nothing to be afraid of. — Akira Kurosawa Copy Share Image
It's funny - it's called 'The Voice,' but I sure as hell didn't have the best voice on the show. I'll admit… — Cassadee Pope Copy Share Image
