Girl your face is not a Coloring book. Chill with that Make up! ;) — Sandeep Shergill Copy Share Image
You can always chase a dream but it will not count if you never catch it. — Malcolm X Copy Share Image
There's nothing better than a 200 lb snatch, if you know what I mean. — Brad Sherwood Copy Share Image
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got… — Geri Jewell Copy Share Image
“Isn't Glen an accountant? We're all frugal." These days, by necessity. "You might be frugal, but Glen is cheap. For Valentine's Day,… — Stephanie Bond Copy Share Image
There's a funny thing about fame. The truth is you run as fast as you can towards it because it's everything you… — George Clooney Copy Share Image
The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Oh! That is funny.' And the little prince broke into a lovely peal of laughter which annoyed me no end. I like… — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Copy Share Image
I love to smile. I love to laugh. I like to hear jokes. For instance, when I'm on the road, every night… — Engelbert Humperdinck Copy Share Image
“You're serious?" "As a heart attack." I set my bag down and leaned on the counter. Okay, Hunter Zaccadelli, you could make… — Chelsea M. Cameron Copy Share Image
To God all things are fair and good and right, but men hold some things wrong and some right. — Heraclitus Copy Share Image
Of all the things in life that could frighten you, you worry about my driving? — Megan Marie Copy Share Image
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm loved unconditionally, for no other reason than simply because I exist. — Anita Moorjani Copy Share Image
Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
I have the street smarts and survival skills of, like, a poodle. — Jennifer Lawrence Copy Share Image
If we had sex, I'd buy you a coffee the next morning if the line wasn't too long at Starbucks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your mom sits down next to you while you're on the computer — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Perhaps Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station. — Risa Schizophrenia Copy Share Image
Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Maman used to say that you can always find something to be happy about. — Albert Camus Copy Share Image
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
May your vibrator be fully charged upon your arrival home from seeing Magic Mike. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I want my online content to be so good that Google’s web crawler stops and says “Dayyyum son!” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
