Funny Quotes · Page 702

Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.

— Anonymous

The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I…

— Nikhil Saluja

Stay still when you see a Bee Me: F*ck that everybody, run!

— Anonymous

You are honorable... when you find your honor is to honor others.

— Nikhil Saluja

Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist

— Ritu Ghatourey

I must identify myself with Africa. Then I will have an identity.

— Fela Kuti

It seems to me that I am more to the Left than you, Mr Stalin

— H. G. Wells

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

— Anonymous

It's funny, when you speak with 'New York' you never know which way they are going to go. They sorta walk that…

— Tinsley Mortimer

I want people to have learned from me. When you watch movies that we grew up on, they teach you life lessons…

— Jason Mitchell

“ Aaron: Dude, one thing the guy said is you don’t taunt voodoo. Zak: Am I taunting? Aaron: Dude, you’re taunting the…

— Zak Bagans

Women are constantly patting themselves on the back on how difficult their lives are and no one corrects em, cuz they wanna…

— Bill Burr

I always believe in pants. You can play with your legs, your attitude, with pants. It's much more funny. It's much more…

— Sonia Rykiel

God made us body parts for a reason. Eyes: to look at you Hands: to pray for you Mind: to remember you…

— A Josland

No guy wants to cheat and hurt his woman. First of all, think about what cheating is for a second ladies. Cheating…

— Patrice O'Neal

When life gives you a Bad Romance, show everyone your Poker Face, buy a new Telephone, call Alejandro, and you guys Just…

— Anonymous

Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about?

— Kirk Douglas

If you don’t know how to fix it, please, stop breaking it.

— Severn Cullis-Suzuki

Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does

— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

If I defected at all, I defected from the government to the public

— Edward Snowden

If you have someone on the set for the hair, why would you not have someone for the words?

— Louis Malle

That annoying voice your mom uses when she's talking to babies

— Anonymous

Focus on just a few things, and do them better than anybody else.

— Steve Ells

Pro Publica distorts the relationship between organizations and their consultants,

— Scott Raab

“In America, the least amusing people are its professional entertainers.”

— Neil Postman

Everything in your life can change except ONE: your passion

— Paulo Coelho

I know what I'm thinking bout, I think. Nothing. And as much of it as I can.

— Alice Walker

Unless your girlfriend is Rihanna, she's not gonna love the way you lie.

— Anonymous

Dad, I'll always appreciate you sticking around after mom got fat...

— Anonymous

All that exists is but the manifestation of the Supreme Being,

— Ramana Maharshi

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.

— Anonymous

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

— Woody Allen

Once (Stan) Musial timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy.

— Warren Spahn

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

— Bo Burnham

The nature of power is such that it can never be understood.

— Lesley Howarth

WIFE, Someone who is too beautiful for words -- but not for arguments;

— Nikhil Saluja

In the age in which we live, the impossible is every day losing ground.

— Anne Sophie Swetchine

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

— Andy Borowitz

I'm going as a zombie for Halloween by slouching half-dead at my desk like every other day of the year.

— Anonymous

Procrastination is assassination on the amazing future God has for you.

— Perry Noble