You must stop looking for a reason to call someone a fool...all you need is a mouth! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If your plan A doesnt work, dont sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted to call some plays. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. — Don Marquis Copy Share Image
“Is there somebody out there? Amy, is that you?” her mother called. “No. Tell me this isn’t happening.” Quinn rested his forehead… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“We’ve reached Vlad’s first day at Thomas Jeff. August 30, 2010 Town of Michigan Infiltration of Thomas Jefferson school successful. The child… — A.M. Robinson Copy Share Image
“What a goon, except it really is funny, me trying to sneeze a hot dog through my nose, and we're both laughing… — Rodman Philbrick Copy Share Image
It's funny because I feel like growing up in Europe and having these different experiences, I feel like I can talk to… — RJ Barrett Copy Share Image
My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on… — Ron White Copy Share Image
You're thirteen and you smoke, drink, and have sex? When I was thirteen, I danced to High School Musical in my kitchen.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My dad would come to pick me up from high school in a beaver-skin cap, big gloves, his parka and everything. It… — John Gourley Copy Share Image
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Funny is when someone talking bad about your style and few days after, they just copy your style! — Angela Jennifer Aroemrasni Copy Share Image
Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind-- They don't blame you--as long as you're funny! — W. S. Gilbert Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. — Steve Wozniak Copy Share Image
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
The point of life is not to get anywhere-it is to notice that you are, and have always been, already there. — Neale Donald Walsch Copy Share Image
“It's funny how you can share a flat with someone and still miss them so much.” — Sophia Bennett Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of my very close friends asked me -: Hey! Did you learn Arabic? And I replied . . . . . . . *ILLA* — Irfan Khan Copy Share Image
Being fat is nature's way of saying, You're so good, I think I'll make more of you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are a lot of books showing on how to live longer, but none on why. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
