Funny Quotes · Page 668

Always be a beginner at something, and always be in love with what you are beginning.

— Bill Buxton

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

— Charles M. Schulz

Marie Curie is, of all celebrated beings, the only one whom fame has not corrupted.

— Albert Einstein

“Noctis… this is a little embarrassing, but…your male anatomy is bothering me.”

— Dahlia Lu

The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.

— Anton Chekhov

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

— Karan

God is not the author of confusion but is the author of peace.

— Quentin L. Cook

They say they're plenty of fish in the sea, but then again I'm a pretty bad fisherman.

— Anonymous

It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura,…

— George Carlin

“Kylee laughed. "Nothing with you is normal. But speaking of abnormal, I saw this movie where these two girls liked the same…

— Lindsey Leavitt

“Go to the cops then!” I shout. “But mind if I ask what you plan on telling them? Because saying two dead…

— Rebecca Harris

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches…

— John Wayne

I hate when people be thinking I'm rich or something...i just got enough money...lol...enough money for me...enough money fo my son &…

— IG:catone_2_funny

2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands. 1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do…

— Sadie

Novels are not about expressing yourself, they're about something beautiful, funny, clever and organic. Self-expression? Go and ring a bell in a…

— Zadie Smith

Why do we need schools? Music: we have UTube. Spanish:there's Dora. English: everything's shortened anyway(lol,idk,gtg) Maths: that's why w have calculators. Geography:…

— Simi Ngr

When people are deeply affected by the Word, they tell it to other people.

— Dietrich Bonhoeffer

If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you.

— Leo Howard

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

— Anonymous

Appreciate Somebody When You With Them , Not When Their With Somebody NEW

— Green Monk

All I want is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

— Green Monk

Sometimes it takes me more than eight hours to get nothing done.

— Anonymous

It is possible to be busy-very busy-without being very effective.

— Stephen Covey

They are rolling around on the ground hahahaah too funny

— Avery

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

— David Cross

Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

— Anonymous

“He made my truth light and funny without diminishing the importance of it.”

— Tarryn Fisher

Cram nailed his colours to the mast and threw down the Great Pretender

— Ron Pickering

A Christian isn't necessarily any nicer than anybody else, just better informed.

— Frederick Buechner

Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.

— Winston Churchill

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

— Rita Rudner

Everything that disappears/Disappears as if returning somewhere

— Tracy K. Smith

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.

— Karl Pilkington

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

— Anonymous

Everything seem way longer when it's only a few minutes away.

— Anonymous

By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much.

— Jemima Kirke

A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.

— Robert Benchley

Kagura: It’s the same as always. He doesn’t pursue those who leave, and ignores those who come.

— Hideaki Sorachi

This wine is forty years old. It certainly doesnt show its age.

— Anonymous

A females smile is better than the duckface…unless her teeth are fucked up. -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin