It's called a joke. Just read it and laugh. Don't try to analyze it and take it literally. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You have to love somebody that much to also hate them that much, too. (191) — Sherman Alexie Copy Share Image
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. — Bill Vaughan Copy Share Image
What drives me, and what always has, is that I am still looking for my place. — Gigi Ruf Copy Share Image
Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing? — James Roday Copy Share Image
If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
That's always been really funny to me - someone who really stridently believes that they're right when they're so wrong in, like,… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
Stop the mental chatter about what's wrong and what's not complete. There is a presence of Love that is seeking to express… — Michael Beckwith Copy Share Image
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Difference between Friend & Wife U can Tell ur Friend U r my Best Friend But Do u have courage tell to… — A Josland Copy Share Image
You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
“I don’t know. We’ve kissed. It was nice.” “Nice? Nice is getting an extra shot of espresso in a latte. Nice is… — L.L. Bucknor Copy Share Image
When People Are All Like; Oh I'm So Cool I Get 3 Girls In One Day At 10 Years Old BlahahahahAnd You're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If you never wished you were an ass, you are most probably an ass.” — Raheel Farooq Copy Share Image
I shall go wherever I am asked to participate for freedom. — Mary Tyler Peabody Mann Copy Share Image
Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. — Fred Hufnagel Sr Copy Share Image
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote, . . . chand to tum ho hi, sitaray bhi saath hote!! — Sadie Copy Share Image
Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I never knew that I would see the day that I would meet the devil himself. — Busta Rhymes Copy Share Image
Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think. — Betty White Copy Share Image
I make a point to tweet out really funny comments I get on YouTube videos. I have the most ridiculous ones. — Clairo Copy Share Image
He that riseth late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
“Grahame Coats did not go for walks; he had people to do that for him.” — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
You remind me of the black guy on The Office, because you're the black guy in our office. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll stop loving you, the day apple grows on a mango tree, on the 30th of February. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No more games, no more drama. When you wanna be real gimme a holla. — Cuts And Scars Copy Share Image
Even if we love someone very much, at times it happens that we forget about it. — Zbigniew Herbert Copy Share Image
You are never more essentially, more deeply, yourself than when you are still. — Eckhart Tolle Copy Share Image
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
