Funny Quotes · Page 61

To err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

— Anonymous

I did not ask for success; I asked for wonder.

— Abraham Joshua Heschel

It's easy to be a toilet in a world full of shit

— Deri Isaac

There is nothing as unreal as life

— Jeffrey Lee Pierce

No one is happy unless he respects himself.

— Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I only know one thing, and that is I know nothing

— Socrates

I can't concentrate when I'm thinking.

— Yogi Berra

I'm sorry, I just did a shot

— Jennifer Lawrence

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

Acquire wisdom from the story of those who have already passed.

— Uthman ibn Affan

That awkard moment ,while a lunch with important people,Suddenly,you drop coke on your new clothes -.-

— Green Monk

Meanings of all songs come after they are recorded. Someone else has to interpret them

— John Lennon

I tell ye true, liberty is the best of all things; never live beneath the noose of a servile halter.

— William Wallace

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

— Woody Allen

It's all mental management. Whether you can do something or not is in your head.

— Kris Carr

We never know beforehand how new posts or new work will change us.

— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

“Naomi's my girlfriend," I say aloud, just to test the words, see how they feel fucking across my lips. Ronnie flips a…

— C.M. Stunich

The time that Ted and I spend talking about our careers is almost infinitesimally small. We mostly talk about our kids and…

— Mary Steenburgen

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say,…

— Demetri Martin

We have home videos that are really great tape on my parents being hysterical. So I think I always knew that my…

— Briga Heelan

“I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.” Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push…

— Simone Elkeles

You Know What I Hate About myself? I Really Don't Care What people Think about me. but everyone says its a good…

— Anonymous

When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.

— Noel Fielding

It's funny how people have a good thang, throw it away and then get sick wen someone else picks it up..One man's…

— Ms Kee

The unrighteous are never really fortunate.

— Euripides

A part of us remains where ever we have been.

— Nikhil Saluja

the one Word that rips apart the day...

— Thomas Pynchon

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

— Trina

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

— Steven Wright

Keep your selfie to your selfie.

— Green Monk

Sayin bitch after proving your point.

— Anonymous

You are never too lost that God cannot reach you.

— Annie Lobert

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long

— Howard Kandel

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

— Jim Gaffigan

Heart is what separates the good from the great.

— Michael Jordan

Let me be unambiguous. I prefer not to be photographed.

— Thomas Pynchon

One must choose in all things a mean just and good.

— Pythagoras

Is there life before death? - that is the question!

— Anthony de Mello

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

— Bo Burnham

My valentine is music...and my cat.

— Candie