Things I don't understand don't destroy my faith in the things I do understand. — Richard L. Evans Copy Share Image
You can raise her up a lady but there’s one thing you just can't avoid... — Trace Adkins Copy Share Image
There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I never really considered 'Quantum & Woody' a comedic book or a funny book. I never thought of it as a satire. — Christopher Priest Copy Share Image
And a flower, doesn't even know it's own beauty it's entire life. Sad, huh? — Miyavi Copy Share Image
If my kids were to make a talking doll of me as a mother, one of my recorded phrases would be 'I… — Justine Bateman Copy Share Image
I have no tolerance for dudes that cheat on their beautiful girlfriends for something that looks like it belongs in the zoo — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny,… — Larry King Copy Share Image
You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man… — Pamela Anderson Copy Share Image
“Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as… — Michael Hogan Copy Share Image
In all my years as an actor, I had never been me - I had always hidden behind my glasses, mustaches and… — Jon Pertwee Copy Share Image
The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.” — Spike Milligan Copy Share Image
“Orange: Uh Oh Mario: Uh oh what? Orange… Uh-Oh spaghettio's *LAUGH* Mario: Not Funny” — Annoying Orange Copy Share Image
It's funny how we can remember all the words to a song but can't remember anything we studied — Corey Chevier Copy Share Image
All that God asks you most pressingly is to go out of yourself … and let God be God in you — Meister Eckhart Copy Share Image
If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Roses are blue, violets are red, if you come near me one more time I will chop off your head! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Security Agencies are reading everyone's email?? LOL I don't even read my own email — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
That's the only dog I know who can smell someone just thinking about food. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm tall and thin but not strong, so you're either an athlete or you're funny. — Keegan-Michael Key Copy Share Image
“Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it.” — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
Wir mussen wissen. Wir werden wissen. We must know. We will know. Inscribed on his tomb in Gilttingen. — David Hilbert Copy Share Image
I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom. — Julia Louis-Dreyfus Copy Share Image
Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Modern houses are so small we've had to train our dog to wag its tail up and down and not sideways. — Tacitus Copy Share Image
