Who better to so softly bind the wound of one, than she who has suffered the wound herself. — Thomas Jefferson Copy Share Image
I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid. — Will Forte Copy Share Image
All those couples who had fun on Valentines day will be blessed today Happy childrens day :P — Uchiha Copy Share Image
I feel terrible getting my cat fixed and relegating it to the same sexless existence as me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when youre waiting for a text but then you realize youre the one who didnt reply. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
There have been many Buddhas before me and will be many Buddhas in the future. — Gautama Buddha Copy Share Image
I make up random funny weird quotes but they are allways duplicates in some way wtf... thumbs up if it happens to… — Drew Fonner Copy Share Image
“Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
There are so many funny people and so many talented people, but the one thing nobody else has is my take on… — Ross Mathews Copy Share Image
Dear Boys, Until you start having periods, babies, and watching the one you love be with someone else, you're not as strong… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
You Could Walk a Mile In My Shoes But You Still Wouldn't GetMe Even If I Can With Instructions, So Tell Me,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy necessarily comes from a dark place. But I do think what a lot of us have in common… — Sean Hayes Copy Share Image
We don't have eternal life because we're good, we have it because God is good. — Craig Groeschel Copy Share Image
“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
comedians are people who say funny things, and comics are people who say things funny. — Staton Rabin Copy Share Image
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do. — Billy Crystal Copy Share Image
Hate broke hoez...theyll rather open they legs instead of a account — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
No I'm not single, I'm in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the future. — Cuts And Scars Copy Share Image
Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
It was really difficult for guys like me who were just young punks to come in and sell a funny idea. — Butch Hartman Copy Share Image
Forgetting the extermination is part of the extermination itself. — Jean Baudrillard Copy Share Image
Dad, Im hungry..Hi hungry, Im dad..Dad ! Im serious.. No, you're hungry.. You're joking.. No, I'm dad — Carissa Aydaa Copy Share Image
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details". — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
“Not everyone who stares likes us; we may look weird enough to get everyone’s attention.” — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
There's never any reason to trust someone. If there's a reason, then it's not trust. -Terence — Gerald Morris Copy Share Image
Twitter should have RETWEET, & then RE-MOTHERFUCKING-TWEET for that real shit. — Christian Heggs Copy Share Image
It's funny how many people that I've come across in my time that have gone on to achieve great success. — Samoa Joe Copy Share Image
Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.' — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
